As promised a while back, here’s the rules list I shared during the teaching “How to Have a Fair Fight.” I got the list years ago from Pastor Leroy Fenton of First Baptist Church, Waxahachie (that’s wahx-a, not wax-a by the way).

Unfair Fighting (Don’ts) 

1. Pretend the other is unreasonable
2. Pretend one motive for all action (reading motive into the conflict by guessing)
3. Change the subject
4. Bring up more than one accusation
5. Brag about what you’ve done alone
6. Use logic to hide emotional reality
7. Interrupt
8. Intimidate
9. Blame for something out of their control
10. Humiliate (and name calling)
11. Make the other seem crazy or mentally unstable (doesn’t include the need for counseling)
12. Destructive use of tears
13. Sarcasm or ridicule
14. Silence (ignoring)
15. Be defensive
16. Use physical violence
17. Use others as a go-between or example
18. Threaten to leave or suicide

Fair Fighting (Do’s)

1. Deal with the conflict or issue
2. Communicate your unhappiness in love
3. Refrain from anger (control emotions)
4. Attack the problem, not each other
5. Control the setting
6. Be patient (what you don’t like will probably get worse; but cheer up, you will probably get used to it.)
7. Be ready to admit you’re wrong (Proverbs 28:13)
8. Be willing to change (contract)
9. Compromise with flexibility

Plus, remember two important thoughts from Teresa and I:

• No issue is worth the relationship
• Conflict is an opportunity to improve the relationship